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...you can watch me disappear
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[30 Oct 2002|10:18pm] |
"i think that you are an extremely angry and sad girl."
"it upsets me that a person as young as you is so unhappy.."
"when was the last time you had a physical?"
"i would suggest anti-depressants."
its not fun having those things said to you.
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(10 stared at the sky | cope with the air)
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| maybe cross the country....become a rock star |
[30 Oct 2002|09:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 melancholy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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konstantine • something corporate |
] |
"i had these dreams, in them i learned to play guitar"
we went to look at guitars today. i was quite taken with the bass guitars though....i dont know, leave a comment and tell me which one you think i should try.
tonight was *mischief night*. i want it to be halloween right now. because then i have an excuse for looking like a freak. and maybe nobody will rag on me for my black eye liner...maybe but im not counting on it. kids are mean...
...this hoodie that im wearing, i wore it to the NFG show in the mosh pit...and it still frickin smells like smoke. bleh.
you know what...i think it would be best for me to delete this journal. because just sitting here and thinking about stuff makes me sad. i mean i just sit here and think about all these shitty things and i work myself into a depression. it blows.
but i could never delete this thing.:-/. maybe someday.
im trying to work up the guts to rent "the exorcist" for tomorrow night. that movie is frickin horrifying.
oww *breath* my head hurts *breath*
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(3 stared at the sky | cope with the air)
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happy birthday to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) twisted_dreamer |
[28 Oct 2002|10:17pm] |
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mood |
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 distressed |
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music |
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where are you goin -- dave matthews band |
] |
....i've been a bad bad girl....
:-/ mom, i dont need anti-depressants + i dont need "help"
i need...i dont know...
somebody stop my descent....
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(3 stared at the sky | cope with the air)
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[27 Oct 2002|10:26pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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i woke up in a car • something corporate |
] |
i would rather be getting the shyte beat out of me in the mosh pit like i was at this time last night, than be doing my homework.
*blast*.
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(cope with the air)
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| abbi is such a poet. |
[27 Oct 2002|06:22pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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music |
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the moon is down • further seems forever |
] |
Abbi’s Beautiful Love Poem
Days and nights he kept me dead,
He said use your brain
And he pointed to his eye
He got caught in a mosh pit
And now he has a sty.
He would be dead by Monday
But I don’t care
I think ill eat a Sunday
Because I hate spikey hair.
So let this be a lesson to you
So go ahead and make beef stew!
and that, people, is my best friend.
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(cope with the air)
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| speechless... |
[27 Oct 2002|02:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 content |
] |
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music |
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if you see jordan • something corporate |
] |
the new found glory show last night was AMAZING.
the opening bands effin rocked the pants off me. and everyone else in the pit.
further seems forever was awesome...
then something corporate came and and they were...i cant even describe, they were so great....
and finch was frickin really good too.
i could just go on for HOURS about new found glory...i was like right by the stage, it was so perfect!!! the pit was really crazy though. ouch.
seriously..that was the most amazing thing...ever.
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(cope with the air)
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| i wanna scream at the top of my lungs |
[25 Oct 2002|07:52pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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no such thing • john mayor |
] |
i want to die. i want to be dead. is that too much to ask for...
i hate everybody, i hate stupid preppy bitches, i hate stupid punk bitches, i hate everybody. and i hate myself. and i hate that im so frickin hateful.
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(2 stared at the sky | cope with the air)
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| nfg on saturday.... |
[24 Oct 2002|08:38pm] |
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mood |
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discontent |
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music |
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the last lie i told • saves the day |
] |
yeah i smell gasolene, i wish the sky were open, cuz if there werent those trees...i think i could see..for miles, the city is just beyond those lamps and i guess this is what its like to be yeah...really down, and holdin' out for somethin...
i still have my homework that i didnt do.
i am so stressed.
i am doing bad in school.
i have to go to therapy.
i get in trouble too much all togther...im always getting yelled at for something.
everybody just lay off.
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(2 stared at the sky | cope with the air)
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| shes a dove, shes a f****n nightmare |
[22 Oct 2002|07:46pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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| [ |
music |
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dumpweed • blink182 |
] |
today...school was long.
and it was damned hot in there.
and i had a lot of work to do...i couldnt just sit there and sleep like usual. i had to try to stay awake and pay attention. because it seems like i should be awake for at least one full day of school, ya know.
i watched "the blair witch project..." it made me feel sick, lol..it made me all *nauseated.*
i am getting sick of hearing the word "punk." im sick of hearing it get thrown around...im just SICK TO DEATH of hearing that word so dont say it to me!! lol..well...errr this light is shining in my face and now i feel even MORE nauseated.
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(cope with the air)
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| these nights i think maybe i miss you in my living room... |
[20 Oct 2002|07:04pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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| [ |
music |
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konstantine - something corporate |
] |
i really am crushed.
so crushed.
just...blown away.
i got back from "the ring" with abbi and lauren. we had fun. i was happy.
scott was online. my heart rate got all fast. i got really excited...i said hey.
he didnt say anything. he signed off.
he didnt talk to me. he didnt talk to me. he didnt talk to me. he didnt talk to me. he didnt talk to me. he didnt talk to me. he didnt talk to me. he didnt talk to me. he didnt talk to me. he didnt talk to me. he didnt talk to me. he didnt talk to me. he didnt talk to me. he didnt talk to me. he didnt talk to me. he didnt talk to me. he didnt talk to me.
im crushed.
my heart is broken....
again...
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(3 stared at the sky | cope with the air)
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| im sorry. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry. |
[18 Oct 2002|11:09pm] |
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mood |
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sad, crushed, mad at myself... |
] |
| [ |
music |
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hit or miss • new found glory |
] |
i have never screwed up so bad in my entire life.
i ruined abbis relationship with her cousin. i ruined mine and abbis relationship. dereck keeps asking me out and saying he loves me. and hes pressuring me for an answer. and i just keep saying i cant handle this right now, i cant...
and abbi if i said i wanted to take it all back i would be lying.
i know im a terrible friend...
i love you, i would do anything to fix this...but i cant forget him. im sorry. im sorry.im sorry. im sorry.im sorry. im sorry.im sorry. im sorry.im sorry. im sorry.
and this is the worst night of my life...and im so sorry everybody...and i cant see what im typing anymoer because im crying to hard...
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(9 stared at the sky | cope with the air)
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| board walks and breakin' waves, made our saturdays... |
[17 Oct 2002|09:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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lonely |
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music |
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jukebox breakdown • saves the day |
] |
i am one lonely girl.
you know, i almost started to cry in biology today...it took so much effort not too. and crying in school is just on the list of things that i CANT do. well i have before. but thats not good. cuz then everybodys all...omg jen are you ok, i love you, dont be sad....when they really dont give a shit.
at least tomorrow is friday...
i got an 84 on my AT global test:-) i was really surprised at that, didnt even think id pass.
today....after school i just sat in my room wishing that he was here. cuz i really do miss him.
and i just DONT KNOW. maybe im just so lonely that i would go for anybody...or maybe not...i have no idea.
and i have gone so long without human contact that i am going to just die or something.
"all i can say tonight is i hate you....it would be alright if we could see eachother sometime..."
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(3 stared at the sky | cope with the air)
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| isnt dad an obligation to care |
[16 Oct 2002|04:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hungry |
] |
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music |
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complicated • good charlotte |
] |
"still it seems like youre not there...are ya there? cuz every time i talk you turn away..."
long day. just....long.
and its not even over yet:-/
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(cope with the air)
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